Over the past weekend I went to a party at a friend of a friend's house and had a blast. They were smoking hookah in the kitchen and had beer pong and Mario Kart 64 (hells to the yeah!) in the living room complete with music and a ton of sitting room. Their trailer is loitered with couches and recliners. Having just come from the bar after a Woodchuck, a car bomb, a fail of an "Apple" (we subbed Magners) Pie a la mode and PBR (because a guy was so kind to buy myself and my sketching friend a drink) I was feeling pretty good. I know I was because that PBR started to taste good. Even the Coors and Bud Light I had at the party tasted good.
Eventually, about an hour after I had gotten there Awesome Host #1 turns on the Nintendo 64 for us silly people and says, "Ya'll can play Mario Kart!" I love Mario Kart. I instantly jump on the chance and some kid named Taylor and I were unraveling the controllers and I end up with the first controller. Very purposefully too as well. As soon as I sat down in my spot and the music brought our attention to the opening menu a girl makes this statement, "Oh my God, I love Yoshi! I call dibs." I simply turned to her and calmly said, "We'll see." She has no idea and she's decently drunk but still coherent enough. I think. Hearing this my roommate goads her on and says, "Uh-oh, watch out for this girl" -- pointing at me -- "she's obsessed! She had a yoshi wallet." Now it's like a little mini challenge.
"I do too!"
"I have two wallets," I correct my roommate and he passes it on.
"I have a Yoshi poster on my wall." I politely say that I do not wish to get into it. Am I afraid of losing? No. Never mind the fact that I have a Yoshi puzzle I've constructed and hung on my wall. And kept the box. Because it has a Yoshi on it. And those cute little chapsticks and their packages. I can hardly use them because they're special. In my mind I think, "How could I lose? She's got nothing on me".
Finally back to the actual game as soon as Character Select Menu comes up I slide down a space and claim Yoshi in about a second. There's a reason I am first player. A very good reason. No one else can play Yoshi because in the event that I am not Yoshi - I'll forfeit. I've done it in Super Smash Bros. games and the like. I hate going against Yoshi. Those cute little dinosaurs are like my kryptonite. There's no way in hell I can let myself blast Yoshi with a Red Turtle Shell or run him over with a Star Power. It'll destroy my psyche. For the first few races (four versus) I kick ass. Even though I'm pretty buzzed (trust me, I know when I am drunk - that came later in the party).
Start of Round Two I lose - bastards hit me with a shell on my jump in Wario Stadium planting me in last. So I give up the controller to an unworthy person who continually expresses dissatisfaction at being Yoshi and how much he perceives him to suck. It was painful to watch and listen to. I'm not sure how many times he died in my mind or how many black eyes he got, but sufficient to say I kept my cool and snatched the controller from him as soon as he lost. How dare he.
I really like Yoshi. In effect badmouthing him or any of them would be the close equivalent of someone abusing someone precious to you - like your best friend or such. Just imagine it like that. It's close but not quite.
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