A quick one for the road down further!
30 April 2014
Katherine
On the XBox 360 and PS3, a really quite fun puzzle game. But a demented one at that. I beat it quite some time ago but considering there are many different endings based on the answers you give to the questions, how you text your girl Katherine back and how you interact with other people there's so much more to see!
The game starts off with Vincent (you) sporting heart-shaped boxers clutching tightly to a pillow and... the horns of a ram? Anyways a voice guides you telling you how to climb and you get to play through a mini-map, a little tutorial.
As the game progresses you learn that Vincent may or may not have some issues committing to his long-term girlfriend. And that a nice little temptation may very well make or break his bonds. Otherwise it's all up to you.
I am the kind of person who enjoys a puzzle game. At the same time I don't know how many tries it took for me to reach the ringing bell signifying the end of the level. Regardless, you wouldn't think that climbing up a tower of blocks to be so difficult in and of itself. Even the time restraints on the lower levels crumbling away there is ample amounts of time to complete the level on Easy difficulty (or Normal - I can't remember what I was playing on).
A strangely fun thing is the multiplayer mode which pits you and one player against each other and the maps. I don't know how many times I have challenged friends on this simple concept: either reach the top first or doom your opponent.
If you have the chance and you like puzzles, give it a shot. Someone you know might have a copy or you can rent it out.
The game starts off with Vincent (you) sporting heart-shaped boxers clutching tightly to a pillow and... the horns of a ram? Anyways a voice guides you telling you how to climb and you get to play through a mini-map, a little tutorial.
As the game progresses you learn that Vincent may or may not have some issues committing to his long-term girlfriend. And that a nice little temptation may very well make or break his bonds. Otherwise it's all up to you.
I am the kind of person who enjoys a puzzle game. At the same time I don't know how many tries it took for me to reach the ringing bell signifying the end of the level. Regardless, you wouldn't think that climbing up a tower of blocks to be so difficult in and of itself. Even the time restraints on the lower levels crumbling away there is ample amounts of time to complete the level on Easy difficulty (or Normal - I can't remember what I was playing on).
A strangely fun thing is the multiplayer mode which pits you and one player against each other and the maps. I don't know how many times I have challenged friends on this simple concept: either reach the top first or doom your opponent.
If you have the chance and you like puzzles, give it a shot. Someone you know might have a copy or you can rent it out.
26 April 2014
Keeping Positive
Some days are really hard to keep positive. Actually I have quite a few days like that. It doesn't help that I am a super sensitive person - like, I'm really sensitive. So right now I am going to write about a few things that cheer me up a little bit.
24 April 2014
18 April 2014
At This Age
It's strange to see so many people hyping about getting married and getting pregnant. I'm more than single right now - I'm pretty far removed from the dating world in general.
Last night I had a talk with two friends - one of whom was drunk and was in his special "psychoanalyzing" mood. Since I was the only one of the group who hadn't had the pleasure it was my turn to be on the couch. It wasn't that bad but we were also super tired. I'm not sure if I want to date. Dating is really hard and relationships take a lot of work to cultivate. Dear Lord I think I am starting to get a little lazy in my social and intimate life.
Recently I met a nice guy and had coffee - which went great. I would have liked more conversation from him but he enjoyed himself. Sadly, as I excited as I was to meet some one else who I found attractive the dust sort of settled. Now, he's not a bad guy. There are people you come across (in my opinion) that you just know things about. And how I feel is we would be great friends but I am not looking to have anything more than that with him. At the same time some feelings I had for another guy somehow resurfaced (because I was looking to take myself off the available radar) and it wouldn't be fair to continue on in a romantic sense.
I considered two things about myself: 1) my intuition is pretty awesome and 2) I am pansexual. With that comes a month long waiting period to see how I actually feel about someone - I'm super sensitive and live on an island away to protect myself from potential emotional danger. So a month. My friends keep telling me to get laid (aren't they funny?) but I want an emotional ground to stand on. That, I am absolute about.
Somehow my peers are living out the dreams I want. A) get married and B) have kids. I envy them and sometimes wonder how I let myself run away from those dreams. Besides holding out for people I probably can't date or wouldn't work out anyway, why do I do that to myself?
A while ago I may have decided to be a lonely loner. Silly me.
Last night I had a talk with two friends - one of whom was drunk and was in his special "psychoanalyzing" mood. Since I was the only one of the group who hadn't had the pleasure it was my turn to be on the couch. It wasn't that bad but we were also super tired. I'm not sure if I want to date. Dating is really hard and relationships take a lot of work to cultivate. Dear Lord I think I am starting to get a little lazy in my social and intimate life.
Recently I met a nice guy and had coffee - which went great. I would have liked more conversation from him but he enjoyed himself. Sadly, as I excited as I was to meet some one else who I found attractive the dust sort of settled. Now, he's not a bad guy. There are people you come across (in my opinion) that you just know things about. And how I feel is we would be great friends but I am not looking to have anything more than that with him. At the same time some feelings I had for another guy somehow resurfaced (because I was looking to take myself off the available radar) and it wouldn't be fair to continue on in a romantic sense.
I considered two things about myself: 1) my intuition is pretty awesome and 2) I am pansexual. With that comes a month long waiting period to see how I actually feel about someone - I'm super sensitive and live on an island away to protect myself from potential emotional danger. So a month. My friends keep telling me to get laid (aren't they funny?) but I want an emotional ground to stand on. That, I am absolute about.
Somehow my peers are living out the dreams I want. A) get married and B) have kids. I envy them and sometimes wonder how I let myself run away from those dreams. Besides holding out for people I probably can't date or wouldn't work out anyway, why do I do that to myself?
A while ago I may have decided to be a lonely loner. Silly me.
04 April 2014
Borrowing
I can't find my journal and I need it now more than ever. This will have to do...
10:17 He's playing Dark Souls II and has been for the past (almost) hour to my recollection. The point is I am in the newly arranged living room (which I like) and my dream is still on my mind. Truly, the reason is I have refused a dream - that is unlike me, so unlike me. I like to keep them coming as much as possible to scrape together the plots. Somehow though, I was wholly afraid and whimpered, "No..."
It is an old dream but now the characters I once didn't care about have meaning to me. They have stories now because they are now the stories of my friends and my family, here, dear to me in respect. How? I haven't had this dream since I was in high school at the most recent but I remember it's origins from a much younger time.
I was wearing my glasses (which is the first recalled time) and things were not as bright and clear as possible. It was my birthday and a flop at that - I was so dead and so... not quite happy. But I saw my stepmothers, they were trying to fix the toilet. I'm not sure why bathrooms are always so strange or not working my dreams (evil coincidences that I rather not get into right meow). I saw Craig with a girl (jealous, just a touch) and my moms. Those were the main characters I cared about. Now, there's a hard break that's... difficult to explain. My dream separates into two corrupt and strange paths but they are on and the same.
Because it is now the day after my birthday in this strange house, my friends are packing up to leave. My mother politely suggests (and by politely, she tells me to do it) that I go out and eat with them. But I can't feel hungry (odd again). I have no real desire to eat except noodles once the coupons have been passed out. My friends are already leaving before I make up my mind and I run to catch up with them passing two children, one standing in front of a glass of round bouncy balls.
Around this event is when the break occurs: I'm suddenly whisked away to a village, dying with no sense of pain or reason and laid out on my stomach. I can't see, I can't feel until a stranger comes to lie on me and whispers something. Despite asking what it was he said, I don't remember it - I only remember I know immediately the source of the voice and I am shaken with joy. But it soon fades when it's replaced by another who's come, to literally do something I'm not too keen on explaining. Not inside though, never inside and soon when I finally lift my head I spot several silver hairs on my robe. It was him, it was him, I'll never see him again! Panicking I push off my assailant, even if by ritual and adherence to custom, wrap the strands around my hand and run. Unsure of where, but knowing I need to be I just blindly run in all directions. Jerk catches on and chases me, trying to steal away the hairs, the only things I have left of him. It broke my heart to think I might lose them. Suddenly, I spun on my heel and punched him as many times as my arms could allow (here). So tired.
Then the dream continues where I am with my friends again. I cannot see all their faces, just that he is there. It's like a maddening infection - I hate it. I sometimes wish I could strangle out parts of my emotions so that they would choke and die. What need.
The internet brought a strange part in - a game much like one I'll look up later so as not to further distract me. Units. I didn't have the unit I wanted. The silver haired one because it reminded me of him. I've spoken of multiple hims now. Suddenly a cut to FFVII where Craig has hacked it with mods to do silly things like change the size of Cloud (thank you random Thor-Loki comic). Not too terribly important except I saw him sitting there playing games much like he does in his desk chair. Not that... I've ever seen him like that. Don't recall, unimportant.
On the edge of a departed world we set foot outside. What was once a destination to a charming location, a beautifully edged forest had now become voluminous water. I can't remember where the sky began or the ocean ended for the buildings we stood on and in the distance there wasn't any ground. This scene is the scene I am not most afraid of. Somehow I looked at all the people surrounding me and I feel... sad. For once. I know what's coming next.
I have to die. It's time to leave because I know that I'm needed elsewhere and for the first time I am scared to, sad to. It hurts so much because even though this is a skyscraper (what else could it have been) I always turn to say something but this time, it comes out differently. Let's dig.
"Will... we always be friends?" It's something like that I feel in my heart.
His answer is lost on me. I'm not sure because it is something that is... not decided yet.
Jumping would be death to me. I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do other than not to jump. And yet, I would be letting down so many people if I did or didn't. Have you ever felt so young? Not quite grown? Death was like a barrier into me becoming an adult. But not quite - it was more important than that because it was also the barrier into me seeing him again. I've never been held back by something so strongly.
Those feelings are hard to accept, the fact that they came to haunt me. Somehow, why did it feel like dying... I would become something not quite me but completely and wholly me? Why was that scary? Because it's change, it's different, it's admittance that things can be better and take me to new heights (or lows, bad joke?).
Committing suicide as it appears in my dream is really suicide - it's akin to drawing the Death card in Tarot for the most part. Somehow, dying, would allow me to mature into a wonderful adult.
That's the decision I think I face now. But why is there fear? And why do I fear it.
10:17 He's playing Dark Souls II and has been for the past (almost) hour to my recollection. The point is I am in the newly arranged living room (which I like) and my dream is still on my mind. Truly, the reason is I have refused a dream - that is unlike me, so unlike me. I like to keep them coming as much as possible to scrape together the plots. Somehow though, I was wholly afraid and whimpered, "No..."
It is an old dream but now the characters I once didn't care about have meaning to me. They have stories now because they are now the stories of my friends and my family, here, dear to me in respect. How? I haven't had this dream since I was in high school at the most recent but I remember it's origins from a much younger time.
I was wearing my glasses (which is the first recalled time) and things were not as bright and clear as possible. It was my birthday and a flop at that - I was so dead and so... not quite happy. But I saw my stepmothers, they were trying to fix the toilet. I'm not sure why bathrooms are always so strange or not working my dreams (evil coincidences that I rather not get into right meow). I saw Craig with a girl (jealous, just a touch) and my moms. Those were the main characters I cared about. Now, there's a hard break that's... difficult to explain. My dream separates into two corrupt and strange paths but they are on and the same.
Because it is now the day after my birthday in this strange house, my friends are packing up to leave. My mother politely suggests (and by politely, she tells me to do it) that I go out and eat with them. But I can't feel hungry (odd again). I have no real desire to eat except noodles once the coupons have been passed out. My friends are already leaving before I make up my mind and I run to catch up with them passing two children, one standing in front of a glass of round bouncy balls.
Around this event is when the break occurs: I'm suddenly whisked away to a village, dying with no sense of pain or reason and laid out on my stomach. I can't see, I can't feel until a stranger comes to lie on me and whispers something. Despite asking what it was he said, I don't remember it - I only remember I know immediately the source of the voice and I am shaken with joy. But it soon fades when it's replaced by another who's come, to literally do something I'm not too keen on explaining. Not inside though, never inside and soon when I finally lift my head I spot several silver hairs on my robe. It was him, it was him, I'll never see him again! Panicking I push off my assailant, even if by ritual and adherence to custom, wrap the strands around my hand and run. Unsure of where, but knowing I need to be I just blindly run in all directions. Jerk catches on and chases me, trying to steal away the hairs, the only things I have left of him. It broke my heart to think I might lose them. Suddenly, I spun on my heel and punched him as many times as my arms could allow (here). So tired.
Then the dream continues where I am with my friends again. I cannot see all their faces, just that he is there. It's like a maddening infection - I hate it. I sometimes wish I could strangle out parts of my emotions so that they would choke and die. What need.
The internet brought a strange part in - a game much like one I'll look up later so as not to further distract me. Units. I didn't have the unit I wanted. The silver haired one because it reminded me of him. I've spoken of multiple hims now. Suddenly a cut to FFVII where Craig has hacked it with mods to do silly things like change the size of Cloud (thank you random Thor-Loki comic). Not too terribly important except I saw him sitting there playing games much like he does in his desk chair. Not that... I've ever seen him like that. Don't recall, unimportant.
On the edge of a departed world we set foot outside. What was once a destination to a charming location, a beautifully edged forest had now become voluminous water. I can't remember where the sky began or the ocean ended for the buildings we stood on and in the distance there wasn't any ground. This scene is the scene I am not most afraid of. Somehow I looked at all the people surrounding me and I feel... sad. For once. I know what's coming next.
I have to die. It's time to leave because I know that I'm needed elsewhere and for the first time I am scared to, sad to. It hurts so much because even though this is a skyscraper (what else could it have been) I always turn to say something but this time, it comes out differently. Let's dig.
"Will... we always be friends?" It's something like that I feel in my heart.
His answer is lost on me. I'm not sure because it is something that is... not decided yet.
Jumping would be death to me. I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do other than not to jump. And yet, I would be letting down so many people if I did or didn't. Have you ever felt so young? Not quite grown? Death was like a barrier into me becoming an adult. But not quite - it was more important than that because it was also the barrier into me seeing him again. I've never been held back by something so strongly.
Those feelings are hard to accept, the fact that they came to haunt me. Somehow, why did it feel like dying... I would become something not quite me but completely and wholly me? Why was that scary? Because it's change, it's different, it's admittance that things can be better and take me to new heights (or lows, bad joke?).
Committing suicide as it appears in my dream is really suicide - it's akin to drawing the Death card in Tarot for the most part. Somehow, dying, would allow me to mature into a wonderful adult.
That's the decision I think I face now. But why is there fear? And why do I fear it.
03 April 2014
Perspective Couplets
How perfect would it be?
If it were only me?
I'm no poetic genius, but this came to me on the spot and was quite fun to think about. So let's think a little more out loud:
Originally conceived as I was rearranging the shelf in my bathroom. Yesterday I cleaned it and it just shone with an awesome radiance of cleanliness. And I thought man, what would it be like to live by myself? Not that I am unhappy living with my roommate.
But another thought that came to mind was to think more romantically? Or I suppose it depends on the thought behind the romance? Like what can bring a yearning to dream of being the person that someone thinks of? Or maybe we can become more cynical and pretend it is a person wishing to be the number one, the best of the best. Then I can see a poor figure on the balcony looking up to skies with discontent on his face and a sneer on his lips with a dreadful wish to be all that came to be.
That went a little grandiose there. What comes to your mind?
One of the reasons I enjoy short and ambiguous poetry is because all reading is reinforced and bred into being with your history, your stories. So the poem's meaning can change.
Extra bonus: the lines have the same number of syllables.
02 April 2014
Accountability
This is more for me than anyone out there but a point: accountability. One of my greatest weaknesses when it comes to most anything is discipline and focus. Oftentimes I lose motivation and drive to accomplish some of the goals I set for myself. So here's some public accountability for me - I hope.
Some of my measurements taken to the best of my ability - ouch some of these numbers hurt. I will come back and edit the weight later after I try it for a week to get a sense of where I'm at. Otherwise, I've eaten - because I'm trying to eat breakfast more frequently.
Age: 21
Height: 5'5''
Weight: --
Neck: 15 inch.
Shoulder: 45 inch
Bust: 39 inch
Bbust: 35 inchj
Waist: 34 1/2
Hips: 45 1/2
Stomach: 39 1/2
Thigh: 26 1/2
Yay for rough measurements. I'm tracking my intake of the foods through MyFitnessPal which is a nifty little app you can access and log in your food and exercise. It's pretty popular.
Some of my measurements taken to the best of my ability - ouch some of these numbers hurt. I will come back and edit the weight later after I try it for a week to get a sense of where I'm at. Otherwise, I've eaten - because I'm trying to eat breakfast more frequently.
Age: 21
Height: 5'5''
Weight: --
Neck: 15 inch.
Shoulder: 45 inch
Bust: 39 inch
Bbust: 35 inchj
Waist: 34 1/2
Hips: 45 1/2
Stomach: 39 1/2
Thigh: 26 1/2
Yay for rough measurements. I'm tracking my intake of the foods through MyFitnessPal which is a nifty little app you can access and log in your food and exercise. It's pretty popular.
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