Lovelorn

A short.Tormenting.  "Today is torture," Adelaide thought out loud to no one in particular.  If there was some person who could hear her then it would either be a nuisance or a bother.  Nothing good could come out of her whining.  Just for today though.

She slumbered her dead body on the couch waiting, hoping, to hear a sound. Some sort of chime to push her back into her normal chipper self.  Her normal chipper self.  Normal.  That wasn't happening - too many things were pressing on her conscious.  Actually, if she stopped a moment to think about it.  No, thinking about it sucked.  It bogged her down.  There was nothing to be gained from thinking about it.  It was tormenting, thought Adelaide.  And as she sighed the last bit of happiness built from previous days left her body.

     It curled and swirled high above her head, and slowly dissipated.  More energy that was lost.  Maybe if she focused on the good things instead of the maddening desire...  No.  It ate and ate and ate until it nearly consumed all her thought and focus.  That terrible insatiable pain sat in her chest and there it beat and beat until all the precious other sounds were beat to deafness.  The world suddenly felt bleak and cold and unrelenting.  But a moment ago, she had it.  She had those moments to come into her own.  She had the touch of his skin and the smell of his neck in her memory.  Surely?
      Why was she so lost and obsessed with these thoughts and sensations?
     Adelaide thought long and hard and deep and true:  am I alone?  Was Adelaide indeed alone in her pain?  With a sour and lovelorn face she crumpled onto her bed.  Wasn't there something she could do to anesthetize the experience?  Drugs.  No money.  Booze.  No money.  How had she come so low? 

The weather was beautiful, daring.  The sun had come back into her life and it tasted ages before it dawned on her.  Breathing in this new air, warm and sweet unlike the chilly winter went well with her newfound experiences. 
     How could she turn away someone? 
     Adelaide wandered into so many situations.  Her mind dwelled on the flags and the repercussions of each and every action.  Living with them was necessary.  Practiced and necessary.  If she said just the right words she could push him away.  The circumstances were right - just a simple somewhat vague text would suffice.  And done.  He was gone and the need had been killed.  That should keep me afloat for a few days, thought Adelaide.

"But maybe... I should just leave."  That particular answer had come to her so many times in the past.  Wouldn't it be better than allowing herself to be subject to this pain?  Was there shame?  But then he surprised her.  She can't be that important to him.  Not even as a friend.  Never.  Should ever be.