It's strange to see so many people hyping about getting married and getting pregnant. I'm more than single right now - I'm pretty far removed from the dating world in general.
Last night I had a talk with two friends - one of whom was drunk and was in his special "psychoanalyzing" mood. Since I was the only one of the group who hadn't had the pleasure it was my turn to be on the couch. It wasn't that bad but we were also super tired. I'm not sure if I want to date. Dating is really hard and relationships take a lot of work to cultivate. Dear Lord I think I am starting to get a little lazy in my social and intimate life.
Recently I met a nice guy and had coffee - which went great. I would have liked more conversation from him but he enjoyed himself. Sadly, as I excited as I was to meet some one else who I found attractive the dust sort of settled. Now, he's not a bad guy. There are people you come across (in my opinion) that you just know things about. And how I feel is we would be great friends but I am not looking to have anything more than that with him. At the same time some feelings I had for another guy somehow resurfaced (because I was looking to take myself off the available radar) and it wouldn't be fair to continue on in a romantic sense.
I considered two things about myself: 1) my intuition is pretty awesome and 2) I am pansexual. With that comes a month long waiting period to see how I actually feel about someone - I'm super sensitive and live on an island away to protect myself from potential emotional danger. So a month. My friends keep telling me to get laid (aren't they funny?) but I want an emotional ground to stand on. That, I am absolute about.
Somehow my peers are living out the dreams I want. A) get married and B) have kids. I envy them and sometimes wonder how I let myself run away from those dreams. Besides holding out for people I probably can't date or wouldn't work out anyway, why do I do that to myself?
A while ago I may have decided to be a lonely loner. Silly me.
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