This is an exercise my friend had me do to help with a low I've hit. It's simple, list 50 things you are good at or know how to do or have no matter how ridiculous or insignificant they may seem. He helped me get started. Here's my list of things I am good at:
1. I know how to make kalbi
2. I am good at my job.
3. I know how to keep calm.
4. I know how do do fries.
5. I know how to take accurate orders.
6. I am good at packaging things the right way.
7. I am good at cleaning really well.
8. I have a pretty smile.
9. I have pretty eyes.
10. I'm good at my hair.
11. I have good taste in clothes.
12. I'm good at counting.
13. I'm good at being troublesome in a good way.
14. I'm good at writing in cursive.
15. I'm good at remembering my dreams.
16. I'm good at doing my make-up (most days).
17. I'm good at hiding my emotions - p-p-poker face!
18. I'm good at reading.
19. I'm good at imagining things.
20. I'm good at remembering annoying details.
21. I'm good at worshiping Yoshis.
22. I'm good at seeking help.
23. I'm good at improving myself.
24. I'm good at thinking.
25. I'm good at doing the dishes.
26. I know how to fill drinks.
27. I'm good at being nice.
28. I'm good at not giving up.
29. I'm good at hiding.
30. I'm good at being a cat.
31. I'm good at some naughty things.
32. I'm good at keeping the apartment clean.
33. I'm good at being resourceful.
34. I'm good at surviving.
35. I'm good at being strong enough to not hurt myself.
36. I'm good at getting mad.
37. I'm good at eating.
38. I'm good at solving problems.
39. I'm good at finding things.
40. I'm good at seeing stories.
41. I'm good at being attentive.
42. I'm good at being selfish.
43. I'm better at communicating my thoughts and feelings.
44. I'm good at making tea.
45. I'm good at being me.
46. I'm good at loving people.
47. I'm good at decorating.
48. I'm good at describing things.
49. I'm good at reading.
50. I'm good at drawing.
51. I'm good at being alive.
Now that I've come down a little from my freakiness and have come to regret some things that I said to my friend.
You will say some hurtful things some time. I did. I deeply regret them and apologized many times over. You might not think about them because you are hurting, you can't see past yourself at the moment, but my friend is right, "The world doesn't revolve around you," and though that really sucks to hear because you are at such a lowpoint, when you poke your head around that outside of your realm is the reality of everyone else and their own little worlds. Those worlds sometimes collide or intersect and really beautiful or catastrophic things happen. But know that you are responsible for what you put into the world, intentionally or not. These might sound a bit harsh, they really are, but it's something to own up to.
If you excuse me I need to devour some of the pie I made.
14 August 2014
13 August 2014
If Someone Asks for You
If someone says to you, "I really need a friend to talk to, do you have time?" DO NOT, under any circumstance bring another person! This might sound like common sense but let me cement this in a little more: This is code for "You are the only person who I can talk to about this, please help me". It doesn't mean bring someone - even if that other person is on amicable terms. They only want to talk to you because of whatever reason including they feel close to you and feel like they can intimate knowledge of their life to you. This is a deeply personal matter that can't be discussed with anyone else. It's not a stab at someone they just need you.
It is a precious thing to ask of you your time but nonetheless they asked. It's hard to admit you need help and even if you are scared because you are not sure you can handle that or deal with them, it's going to be all right. For the most part a lot of the time, people are happy you are there to listen in general. If you are scared you might not say the right thing just say so. It might suck to hear that if we are asking for advice but it lets us know that you are human too and that you might not have the answers - all we need to know is that you support us.
I'm a little buzzed. But you know, I really needed a friend tonight. And I was sad because the friend I could talk to brought someone else. I didn't get to talk about the things I needed to talk about.
It is a precious thing to ask of you your time but nonetheless they asked. It's hard to admit you need help and even if you are scared because you are not sure you can handle that or deal with them, it's going to be all right. For the most part a lot of the time, people are happy you are there to listen in general. If you are scared you might not say the right thing just say so. It might suck to hear that if we are asking for advice but it lets us know that you are human too and that you might not have the answers - all we need to know is that you support us.
I'm a little buzzed. But you know, I really needed a friend tonight. And I was sad because the friend I could talk to brought someone else. I didn't get to talk about the things I needed to talk about.
11 August 2014
Today is Monday
Arrived, after receiving a ride from a coworker, a supervisor. Apartment smells awful, like carcasses rotting. Instantly run to the trashcan, the trashcan that was almost full before I left for work, before my roommate left for work. Why had not my roommate thought to take the trash? Odd. Peculiar. He's not very good at being a housemate though he's a wonderful friend.
Pass the kitty taking out the garbage and find the mail. Nothing for me.
Prepped some bananas for some vegan ice cream. Whipped some coconut oil for body butter and placed in the fridge to stay firm. Ran enough through hair to saturate - should combat some of the damage. Ideas of bleaching hair tomorrow return.
Thirsty. Terribly thirsty. Water tastes so good on the back of my throat. Hugh Laurie on the tele kidnapping puppies.
Pass the kitty taking out the garbage and find the mail. Nothing for me.
Prepped some bananas for some vegan ice cream. Whipped some coconut oil for body butter and placed in the fridge to stay firm. Ran enough through hair to saturate - should combat some of the damage. Ideas of bleaching hair tomorrow return.
Thirsty. Terribly thirsty. Water tastes so good on the back of my throat. Hugh Laurie on the tele kidnapping puppies.
10 August 2014
Black to Almost White
Not two days ago a man who came through the drive-thru occasionally appeared. "Oh, you've changed your hair! You lightened it," he said with a smile on his face.
"Oh, yes. I was tired of having black hair."
"I like it. It looks good on you."
"Some of my friends would disagree with you there."
"Well, it's your hair." Again, another smile. So very completely he had managed to capture the insecurities I had had and wash them away. Yet he was no more than a stranger with whom I professionally participated in ritual with, I was happy. That compliment and fire he gave me calmed my nerves.
It is still taking some getting used to. Many years ago I told myself I would have white hair. In my mind it was the coolest thing ever. I'm still working on it - currently my hair is on a break and has been for about two weeks. When I went to the salon my hairdresser told me it was really damaged and to wait on bleaching it again for at least a month. We will see...
"Oh, yes. I was tired of having black hair."
"I like it. It looks good on you."
"Some of my friends would disagree with you there."
"Well, it's your hair." Again, another smile. So very completely he had managed to capture the insecurities I had had and wash them away. Yet he was no more than a stranger with whom I professionally participated in ritual with, I was happy. That compliment and fire he gave me calmed my nerves.
It is still taking some getting used to. Many years ago I told myself I would have white hair. In my mind it was the coolest thing ever. I'm still working on it - currently my hair is on a break and has been for about two weeks. When I went to the salon my hairdresser told me it was really damaged and to wait on bleaching it again for at least a month. We will see...
06 August 2014
BumbleBees
Today as I walked to the salon for my haircut at 10 in the morning (to my earlier displeasure and later gratitude) I noticed many of the busy bumblebees clumsily flying about pollinating the flowers: I smiled. Endearing little balls of fuzz that I am extremely grateful for (very unlikely to sting) giving me all sorts of varieties when it comes to plant life. If I could capture that cryptic moment of elation I'd translate it here so I could experience it again and again.
Seeing them reminded me of warm sunny days with a gentle breeze none too cold nor a touch too hot. Everything was so naturally calm and despite the massive encumbering clouds overhead the sun shone brightly still. Waiting. In that waiting there is a faint docile buzzing emanating from a nearby pot of flowers as big as a child's fist and as purple as synthetic lavender-scented lotion. Fat, bumbling bees (enough to make me smile at the mere sight of them) inducing giggle-tinged smiles. How could you not be enchanted? I stopped for a moment to enjoy them as they were - insects. If I could place a human emotion on that moment, I would call it sun-soaked serenity.
That's how I see it.
There is a lot to appreciate about the world in it's state of being. It is always changing, it is dynamic and full of energy. Tap into it.
We release so much negativity into the world we need to step back sometimes and look again. Oftentimes my friend makes mention of how messed up everyone is and what a terrible place this is to raise a child. I never know the words to say to counter him - I don't believe that. There are so many good things surrounding us. I know it exists because I can feel it. I wish I knew how to translate that feeling into something more people can understand.
It is like... the cool side of a pillow or crisp, cool sheets on after a hot summer day. It is like moments that make your heart sigh and realize you enjoy living because there is so much to experience. Experience captures something - it's an intangible concept that we generate. All those moments that make your heart swell like listening to the perfect song at the perfect moment or hearing a dear friend's voice after missing them - blessings to the soul. It's harmony.
When I am down I oftentimes take many things for granted: I am able to pay rent and afford my bills; I have food; I have my senses to absorb the world around me. I have friends who love me and who I love. Even when reminded they don't feel like enough to deaden the numbness inside (for when I am feeling depressed I am numb). But they are important: they're like a rainstorm after struggling through an arid desert.
Bumblebees trigger a visual concept inside me that releases happiness. They're associated with simpleness, casual movements, a child-like gaiety, and above-all appreciation. I can't remember how these associations were made but if I want to feel them again, I watch them work. Almost like getting visually drunk with positive emotions.
Seeing them reminded me of warm sunny days with a gentle breeze none too cold nor a touch too hot. Everything was so naturally calm and despite the massive encumbering clouds overhead the sun shone brightly still. Waiting. In that waiting there is a faint docile buzzing emanating from a nearby pot of flowers as big as a child's fist and as purple as synthetic lavender-scented lotion. Fat, bumbling bees (enough to make me smile at the mere sight of them) inducing giggle-tinged smiles. How could you not be enchanted? I stopped for a moment to enjoy them as they were - insects. If I could place a human emotion on that moment, I would call it sun-soaked serenity.
That's how I see it.
There is a lot to appreciate about the world in it's state of being. It is always changing, it is dynamic and full of energy. Tap into it.
We release so much negativity into the world we need to step back sometimes and look again. Oftentimes my friend makes mention of how messed up everyone is and what a terrible place this is to raise a child. I never know the words to say to counter him - I don't believe that. There are so many good things surrounding us. I know it exists because I can feel it. I wish I knew how to translate that feeling into something more people can understand.
It is like... the cool side of a pillow or crisp, cool sheets on after a hot summer day. It is like moments that make your heart sigh and realize you enjoy living because there is so much to experience. Experience captures something - it's an intangible concept that we generate. All those moments that make your heart swell like listening to the perfect song at the perfect moment or hearing a dear friend's voice after missing them - blessings to the soul. It's harmony.
When I am down I oftentimes take many things for granted: I am able to pay rent and afford my bills; I have food; I have my senses to absorb the world around me. I have friends who love me and who I love. Even when reminded they don't feel like enough to deaden the numbness inside (for when I am feeling depressed I am numb). But they are important: they're like a rainstorm after struggling through an arid desert.
Bumblebees trigger a visual concept inside me that releases happiness. They're associated with simpleness, casual movements, a child-like gaiety, and above-all appreciation. I can't remember how these associations were made but if I want to feel them again, I watch them work. Almost like getting visually drunk with positive emotions.
04 August 2014
Furry Bombs
Today as I crept back to my apartment from work I ran into a fluffy kitty. She must live around here! For she appears every now and then. She is terribly soft and fought me for all of my attention.
Finally I tasted my apple pie. I used a recipe from runnyrunny999 and was delightfully surprised at how easy it was. The pie dough I made was a bit on the small side - enough to fill a small casserole dish. I do mean small. But it's adorable and rustic looking. Pleased - I ate half.
Now I am off to pay rent. Because it's that time. Accursed rent time.
Finally I tasted my apple pie. I used a recipe from runnyrunny999 and was delightfully surprised at how easy it was. The pie dough I made was a bit on the small side - enough to fill a small casserole dish. I do mean small. But it's adorable and rustic looking. Pleased - I ate half.
Now I am off to pay rent. Because it's that time. Accursed rent time.
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